Rational Little Kids
Sorry I’ve been neglecting this thing recently. No good explanation, sorry. But here is a hopefully interesting post for y’all. On a forum I frequent the topic was brought up of misbehaving kids in public, and store’s efforts to ban them (or tell parents to better control them). One poster, a parent, described the process of his toddler misbehaving:
Children… children don’t know shame or embarrasment, they only know what they want and they will stretch the boundaries, your boundaries, to see what your breaking point is. It’s cold, it’s calculated, and, sometime in every parent’s life, each and every single one of their children will go through periods where it is just impossible to take you brats out. You will purposely break, steal, grab, spit, vomit, fart, burp, crap, “mommy, I have to go to the bathroom”, and develop some bizarre tic in regards to going out with your parents at some time in your young lives….
As for Sophie, she, for the most part, “misbehaves” precisely the amount that I allow her. Dad has the Voice, the Eye, and the Upraised Finger of Doom. However, the child will go through periods where, and I’m not joking - other Dad’s will back me up, they do nothing but look at me and test to see where her boundaries are. Sometimes “the game” is to get Dad mad enough to have him stand up, roaring so that Sophie will start crying “I’m sorry”, calm down, rinse and repeat.
And people say kids are irrational. Even kids as young as his girl, like 4 or 5 and far outside the realm of ages that I’m fighting for really, can clearly show reason in the above examples of testing the boundries. Like a little scientist testing the world around her. Isn’t the scientific method one of the most reasonable, logical processes man has yet invented? Identify a question/problem, think up a hypothesis, test that hypothesis, draw a conclusion, etc. Isn’t that pretty much what little kids do on a daily basis?
Yet no one sees this misbehavior as a sign of intelligence and reason. Many adults believe behavior equates intelligence. A good behaved kid is seen as smarter, more rational, and more “adult” than a misbehaved one. Even though that misbehavior may indeed be the most intelligent, rational, and adult thing kids do. So it gets overlooked.
That kids apply their cunning reason to testing authority and not to nuclear physics does not discount their reason.
You see this also in school. The many distractions and problems that students do in class instead of paying attention are not a sign of their stupidity or ADD (not always at least), but are a means of resisting something they object to but have no power over. What is particularly striking is that the US Army has a list of things soldiers should do when in a POW camp to retain their sanity and their humanity. Many of them are simple disruptive things that are identical to the kinds of things kids do in school. Both are efforts to assert one’s independence, even in a situation of captivity. Showing that while the teacher/prison guard may control where my body must be, they cannot control my mind.
Not that I’m saying all kids should disrupt class and antagonize their parents, I’m not. But it is perfectly rational.
December 8th, 2005 at 2:55 pm
>You will purposely break, steal, grab, spit, vomit, fart, burp, crap, “mommy, I have to go to the bathroom”, and develop some bizarre tic in regards to going out with your parents at some time in your young lives
I can just see a conversation between Sophie and this guy at the supermarket…
Sophie: Dad, I have to go to the bathroom.
Dad: No you don’t, you’re just testing my limits.
Sophie: No, I really really really have to pee. And poop.
Dad [Unleashing the Eye, the Voice, and the Upraised Finger of Doom, standing up, and roaring]: No you don’t!
Sophie: I’m sorry, I’m sorry. [Pees her pants, later defecates.]
Yeah, so that’s why he knows so much about little kids who “crap” at the supermarket.
December 8th, 2005 at 5:38 pm
Well put. Too often young people are judged by their willingness to comply with authority - authority that is often unjust. Parents think that a young person who obeys various rules is mature; probably because they feel that they obey because they “understand” either the wisdom of said rules, or they are smart enough to “recognize” the infallibility of the parent.
The defiant young person, at least at a very early age, probably has the same desires as the obedient one, but he is willing to fight for them. This, as you noted, is the only real difference.
As the defiant youth gets older, a good parent will (and not by authoritarian means) attempt to shape and mold his desires in to something worth while. The four year old who demanded the toy in the supermarket may become an eleven year old who demands social justice, and he may become an eleven year old who demands money and things like that. The defiance should be embraced and channeled, not squashed.
But defiance is not embraced, molded, and viewed as a logical attitude. It is seen as a disease and a character flaw. Folks in the movement complain about the word child, but I think that after minor, ‘brat’ is the most offensive word used to describe us. People actually take Oppositional Defiance Disorder seriously. That eleven year old demanding social justice will probably be sent to a gulag school.
December 8th, 2005 at 6:28 pm
Misbehavior is brilliant!
December 9th, 2005 at 7:08 pm
“Misbehavior” is like labelling plants that grow in your yard without permission “weeds”. Society places all kinds of standards and restrictions on young people without considering the ramifications of those actions. Consequently, we’re locking up succeeding generations of our elders in facilities that resemble… school. In a way, its the ultimate pay-back. In a bigger way, that’s effed up. Sophie’s revenge will be fierce.